Learning the Subtle Art of Avoidance

In the beginning, it was easier…

And harder.

Definitely harder.

It was more difficult passing out. Hard being in the silence. Unable to communicate.

As I've described before, I typically am not unconscious. I can hear everything but can't respond. Laying in darkness praying,

“Lord, show him what to do.”

But these obvious reactions made it clear it was time to go.

So often he threw me over his broad shoulders and brought me to another place. A place where I could communicate with him again.

I do not know the last time this happened. It’s been a while. Oh, what a glorious blessing!

So, in the beginning, it wasn’t tricky. It was obvious. Unmistakable.

Now I can usually tell quickly that an area will be good enough, at least for a while.

This area has been that, but, as I have mentioned. Things have changed.

And that’s so wonderful. It’s increasingly rare that my walking is impacted.

The thing that impacts me the most now, is my own detox. I am amazed that at, almost a year in, it’s still going with a vengeance.

My poor husband can feel it. He may walk away and get relief, then walk back over towards me and, moving closer, have a pounding headache. We joke that these days he looks at me like this…

Sometimes I feel something small in the area but in comparison to what is coming out of me, it’s nothing.

I am still much higher on the power curve. I rarely worry about many of the things that I did in the early days. The detox is intense but we are still seeing gains.

We aren’t losing rooms over it as often, but we do continue to stay on top of our cleaning routines. Even with that, however, last Fall we burned through a room a night.

According to my husband, if anything the detox is stronger. So what changed?

Me.

I’m getting stronger. Healthier. Climbing that power curve.

Often times I have to eat just from detoxing so much. I may get a break, crave carbs and fats like crazy.

Within 5 minutes of eating the detox will startup with vengeance, usually higher than it was before.

I suspect that much earlier in avoidance it might be easy to believe this was an external toxin causing symptoms, rather than internal.

Having a husband who is also clear, who can feel this so obviously at the same time that I can, does help.

I do believe that there is an art to this, but once you learn the skills, it opens a whole world of freedom.